Frankie and D: Why are people more comfortable opening up about SEX than MONEY? (#77) — Transcript
Updated: Oct 26
THE PICTURE OF WEALTH · EPISODE 77
Frankie Barnet and Dustin Serviss explore why talking openly about money can feel more uncomfortable than discussing sex. They examine privacy, social expectations and the assumptions people bring to wealth and relationships.
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This transcript was generated from the episode audio and lightly edited for readability. It may contain transcription or speaker-attribution errors. Refer to the recording for exact wording.
Chapters
[00:00:00] Comparing money, intimacy and happiness
[00:04:53] Why a financial meeting can feel intimidating
[00:09:38] Income and planning expectations
[00:14:43] Money and relatability on screen
[00:21:32] Generational differences in money conversations
[00:26:00] Social media and online habits
[00:30:33] The routines behind creative work
[00:36:36] Longevity and decisions today
[00:42:12] Joint versus separate finances
[00:47:26] Planning for different spending priorities
Guest & resources
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Transcript
[00:00:00] Frankie Barnet: Your happiness goes up if you if you have sex once a week. Your happiness goes up to the same degree as they found of people who had a bump of fifty thousand dollars annually in their income.
[00:00:13] Dustin Serviss: Interesting.
[00:00:14] Show announcer: Welcome to the Picture of Wealth, a podcast all about living more of your life now yet being responsible for your future. Lifestyle experimenter, wealth scientist, and financial coach Dustin Service shares life hacks, wealth tips, and interviews successful entrepreneurs on how they're thriving in happiness, purpose, and prosperity.
[00:00:35] Dustin Serviss: Okay, Frankie. We are, we are not live. We are in our Zoom environments, and today is going to be, again, I... I'm getting less nervous talking to you, over these kind of podcasts in helping people make better decisions. And the fact that, you know, some people, you know, have trouble talking about sex and the the correlation between talking about sex and money, and and the correlations between the two. Because in my research, I did find a lot of correlations. And, I gave that research topic to you, or we both kinda came up with it. And I'm I'm I'm... Let's just get on with it. Let's get into this and see where your first question's going.
[00:01:20] Frankie Barnet: Oh, yeah. So I'm really excited, like I said, and, like, it might be obvious for my voice. I have a bit of a cold today, a bit of a whooshing sound in my ear. But I'm My voice still sounds
[00:01:30] Dustin Serviss: the same, so it should be okay.
[00:01:32] Frankie Barnet: My plan is, is that I can maybe make up for it by saying a few outlandish things that I discovered in my research and and then I more shockingly discovered about myself. I'm a little ashamed of. But I'm I'm open to sharing and being honest like always, because I think what you what you just said is is that the more we talk about it, the easier these things would come.
[00:01:57] Dustin Serviss: Yep.
[00:01:58] Frankie Barnet: So why don't we just get started with, like, the main premise we had for this week? So this claim that... I originally found one specific article, but I've seen the idea around a lot. The claim that for for most people, for adult people, to talk about money is more stressful than to talk about sex, and that money is a bigger stress in people's lives than than to talk about sex. So on face value or... Like, what's your first reaction to that? Like, do you go like, oh, that's totally hundred percent, or do you go,
[00:02:32] Dustin Serviss: Well, I I think it's it's, and, again, I'm not a psychologist, so I don't know what the actual root value is. I just kind of would look at it from what I see in my clients. And obviously, we don't get into, SCX talk. But, I would say one PG thirteen. Yeah. I don't care if it's R. But I think the the... There's power struggles. There's self esteem. There's confidence. You know, those things with money are are very prevalent. There's... You know, I I work with lots of families who, you know, one spouse in particular has worked, made really good money, and one spouse has stayed at home, raised the kids.
[00:03:21] Dustin Serviss: And when it comes time to, you know, kids are out of the house, and now they're gonna retire or sell the business, and the person has not been involved or been sort of in the dark, there becomes... And I don't think the word dichotomy is right where there's a real... There's a friction point there where the expectations of the person who maybe hasn't been in the business, hasn't managed the finances relative to spending. Because when you have your business and you have your income, you spend and you find a cadence. But when you all of a sudden get ready to retire or retire and there isn't that income anymore,
[00:03:59] Dustin Serviss: you do need to be very deliberate in where you spend your money. And if someone hasn't been in the dark, that can cause a lot of friction. It can cause a lot of stress. So I think people are busy. Think about for the sex analogy is people are busy. Life goes on. Again, I'm forty, I got two young kids. Busy, busy, busy. And it's like at the end of the day comes, oh, man, I'm so tired. Well, just push it off, push it off, push it off. And if you're not very intentional about setting date night or setting some sort of, you know, a a getaway or... You know, we, for a long time, were not very good at asking for babysitting help.
[00:04:36] Dustin Serviss: It was like, we didn't have kids to make someone else watch them. And then we realized it's like, no. This this is for us and for the longevity of our relationship that we need a little break. And we need that intentional time apart. And it's it's a more fun night that you look forward to, almost like a trip.
[00:04:53] Frankie Barnet: Mhmm.
[00:04:53] Dustin Serviss: So, you know, the same as with money, you know, building... However someone builds that up, whether it's, you know, some people find a meeting, I'll say, quote, unquote, a meeting very intimidating. Gotta go meet my guy or my girl. That's my financial planning.
[00:05:10] Frankie Barnet: Okay.
[00:05:11] Dustin Serviss: Some people might find that with sex very intimidating of like a lot of pressure on, okay, Saturday night, like we're gonna drink red wine. Like that's the signal that this is gonna be a good night. So I think the other camp of people are, they call me very frequently, obviously very free, monthly. And we have a fifteen minute chat on some little thing that is happening. And I find that more effective if there's just regular check ins and less of this big thing. So again, I think there's definite correlation between couples and relationships and intimacy and their money and how those go hand in hand.
[00:05:55] Dustin Serviss: So hopefully that somewhat kicked off your first question.
[00:05:58] Frankie Barnet: Yeah. Well, I read I read online just this morning, and it was from a survey. It said that... I don't need to explain this right. So it said that they they measured people's happiness levels, and they said that the difference between having sex once a month to once a week was the same difference as making... As make... As an increase of fifty thousand dollars to your annual income.
[00:06:25] Dustin Serviss: So... And and did they un... Did they, like, correlate that? So that, like... Did did it say anything more about the survey? So someone gets asked a question
[00:06:33] Frankie Barnet: So they measured...
[00:06:34] Dustin Serviss: They were measuring people's, like,
[00:06:34] Frankie Barnet: overall happiness levels. So they're psychologists or whatever. However they they measure difference between people who have sex once a month versus people who have sex once a week.
[00:06:47] Dustin Serviss: Okay. I get that.
[00:06:48] Frankie Barnet: And they... What they saw was that your happiness goes up if you if you have sex once a week. Your happiness goes up to the same degree as they found of people who had a bump of fifty thousand dollars annually in their income.
[00:07:04] Dustin Serviss: Interesting. So how would I draw a parallel there? I I... Obviously, sex once a week would be cool and be better, than once a month. So that, I don't think we need to unpack. I think you you bring up interesting point about the raise. And I think especially now, I don't know, you see in your peer group out east, but, you know, that there there is a shift in psychology of people sort of recognize like maybe I maybe this dream I've been sold of like, make more money, make more money, it's like, and you get more happy. Maybe I can just calm it down a bit. Maybe I can just be more happy. And that actually
[00:07:45] Dustin Serviss: is interesting when you look at the big wheel of things going on in the world. And how does that impact it? Are people be happier so they spend more maybe? And that keeps the economic engine going. Is there creating opportunities for more lower skilled workers to... Are they picking up the socks and they're getting upgraded in their skill set? Maybe. For the income, at a certain point in income, when I look at my client block, I often reference one hundred and twenty thousand a
[00:08:19] Frankie Barnet: year. Okay.
[00:08:19] Dustin Serviss: So when someone's making, say, seventy thousand versus eighty thousand, there isn't a real big lifestyle difference because you still have a mortgage payment usually and you still have your bills. And then when you go to one hundred, you start to be a little more flexible. When a person gets usually to one hundred and twenty, if they're managing their wealth or managing their spending in a, I'll say, intentional way. They aren't just spending whatever comes in and trying to buy as many things. They have goals and they got a savings plan. They have options. So they've got their mortgage and also it's like, wow, at the end of
[00:08:58] Dustin Serviss: the month, I actually have one or two thousand left that we could buy a rental house that has negative cash flow. Okay, well, that would be okay because I make extra or I'm not as stressed to get this rental house because if we don't rent it for a few months, we'd be able to sustain it. Or they would be saying, I'm gonna put one thousand dollars a month into an investment plan. So one hundred and twenty usually is something that I always encourage. Younger people strive to at least get to that. Because from there, you've got sort of a blend of gravy, of more savings, more accumulation, and more lifestyle.
[00:09:38] Dustin Serviss: And that, you know, I think is a good marker to aim for. I kinda derailed your question there, but I think That's great. Important topic. Because people always ask like, well, how much how much do I need to make to have an investment plan or a wealth plan? Well, you could have sixty thousand, but really, if you wanna have a pretty good life, plus, you know, if you think you're only investing a thousand dollars a month, you're only putting away twelve thousand, which isn't really changing much.
[00:10:06] Frankie Barnet: Uh-huh.
[00:10:07] Dustin Serviss: Two thousand. Now you start twenty four thousand. In four years, you got one hundred. Now you could buy a rental house. Or now you could leverage that. You could do certain things with a hundred versus
[00:10:20] Frankie Barnet: twelve. That's interesting, actually, that you bring that up because I think for me... And this relate... This comes back to the the sex versus money thing. I find it's so hard to get specific some money. Like, for you to say a lot of people ask you, what's the amount of money we need to make? It's so... And it and it makes sense because of all... Everything you just said. Your, you know, your your lifestyle could be different. Your your needs are different, so there's no one size fits all answer. But I do find I do find that that's another example of of how of how uncomfortable people are. Like, I... I've written about this before,
[00:11:07] Frankie Barnet: bringing it back to to sex and money and there... Obviously, there are two things that we're generally can be uncomfortable about in life. There are two areas where we can be really vulnerable. But I do think we've come a long way in our society, and in some instances, maybe we've gone too far to be comfortable talking about sex and seeing sex and having it thrown in our faces in a way that I don't think exists for money. And I was thinking about it this week. Like, in a movie, there's no... It's it's no big deal in movies or TVs now to see someone's genitals. But when do you ever hear about how much a person makes in a movie?
[00:11:49] Frankie Barnet: Or, like, in those scenes where they're doing, you know, like, in the big offices and they're doing negotiations, and maybe this is how it actually works in real life, but you never see the amount of money they're talking about. They just write it on a piece of paper, and you see people's expressions, but you never know. And I find that I find that really weird.
[00:12:13] Dustin Serviss: Hey. Yeah. You bring up a... Like, so the messaging... I think the messaging is there, but people are challenging it. So the messaging of money... You know, you think of the movie The Wolf of Wall Street. I don't know if you ever watched that.
[00:12:25] Frankie Barnet: I've seen it. Yeah.
[00:12:26] Dustin Serviss: He calls it as fun coupons, and he's, like, throwing the money at the cop off the boat, and it's, like, flying through the air. And, you know, just, you see that. But in my upbringing, it was, my father worked corporate world, and it was like Beamer, and expensive golf course membership and schmoozing and wining and dining, and that's great. And it was like, those were rungs. And this is my perception of youngster, but I think it's pretty close to what he's told me after the fact. Is those are rungs on the ladder. Once you got that, then there's that, then there's that, then there's that. And then at the top of the ladder is happiness.
[00:13:09] Dustin Serviss: And so you have this like, well, if you can put all the right rungs of the ladder together, right, you could either climb the ladder faster and get to happiness faster, or you will get to happiness. But if you don't, then, you know, too bad, too sad. You don't be happy.
[00:13:26] Frankie Barnet: Yeah.
[00:13:26] Dustin Serviss: And so as as, you know, someone who, you know, again, who has written a book on, on living more of your life now yet being responsible for your future, maybe you lay the ladder down flat and then it's easier to run across. I don't know how the analogy would work. But you get the point of like, well, what about instead of being two hundred percent happy at retirement, which that's already over one hundred.
[00:13:55] Frankie Barnet: Right.
[00:13:55] Dustin Serviss: And not happy in life versus one hundred and twenty percent happy in retirement, but being happy throughout life. Is there a model that someone could work off of there? And so again, back to your sexes in every show. And now equity and diversity is very inclusion in every show. And everyone has their own stance on that. But, the money side, I think it's still in the past. It's still in olden times, because no one's really figured out yet how to put that in a movie. Right.
[00:14:32] Frankie Barnet: No one's
[00:14:32] Dustin Serviss: really figured out how to put this person made a good decision and it made them happier.
[00:14:39] Frankie Barnet: Because I
[00:14:40] Dustin Serviss: don't know how that equates. You know, we could be onto something there. We might have to figure out.
[00:14:43] Frankie Barnet: I I mean, I think people are are hungry for that. Like, I I I know in my friends, like, there's there's a lot of shows that that come out that are marketed to, like, the, you know, the young millennial woman, like, making it work in the big city. And and that... You know, I tune in or I used to tune in. And... But I do find it really alienating when I... I'm like, how is this relatable if she's going to a restaurant and she's not, like, physically uncomfortable reading the menu? Or, like, how does... Like, even simple things like that or, okay, this person, you know, has a, I don't know, like,
[00:15:26] Frankie Barnet: has a, what else, like, non skilled hourly job, and they can afford, an apartment on their own. That, to me, like, that doesn't really... In a big city, that doesn't really make sense. And that could be... So why is the show a modern contemporary cutting edge quote unquote show? They can they can talk about race, they can talk about sex, they can show us sex, but they can't, they can't show us someone living in a stinky apartment, or they can't explain how much money that this person's getting from their parents.
[00:16:00] Dustin Serviss: So, no, they can't. I I think that we've... Have you seen the movie The Intern with Anne Hathaway and Robert Taylor?
[00:16:07] Frankie Barnet: I think I have.
[00:16:10] Dustin Serviss: A few
[00:16:10] Frankie Barnet: years ago.
[00:16:11] Dustin Serviss: The the... This is this is a movie where it... It's described. So she is a fashion... She owns a fashion company.
[00:16:16] Frankie Barnet: Right.
[00:16:18] Dustin Serviss: She's... I perceive she'd be somewhat like you, mid thirties or young thirties, and she's successful. There's no sex at home because she's so busy. And she ends up... The marriage ends up getting screwed up because the husband, not because of her. Yeah. He makes some bad choices. But, you do see that in that movie, someone realized that, like, I need to make a decision. And, you know, not to give it away, but she ends up she ends up considering us, you know, I won't wreck it, but selling the company or not to kind of- Yeah, to create her ideal life. So maybe they are kind of showing us that happiness again. Because there's a person who...
[00:17:06] Dustin Serviss: I get the perception, which like you mentioned, they don't ever say how much she's making. But she has a driver and she has this big booming company. And so then in your research, I had said one hundred and twenty for flexibility. Is there like a number, like a savings number that you saw in any of the research that people should
[00:17:34] Frankie Barnet: have? Because
[00:17:34] Dustin Serviss: I have my- Oh,
[00:17:35] Frankie Barnet: you have three numbers.
[00:17:36] Dustin Serviss: See, I have models. Yeah. And we use things when people ask because it usually correlates to, should I sell my company, Dustin? Like, should, like, I might get this much, and what would that mean for my life? And so did you see anything out there?
[00:17:54] Frankie Barnet: No. I mean, maybe I wasn't looking in the right places, and I, you know, I was definitely looking at it from more of, like, a cultural angle. But I... But it... That is something, especially as I've, been doing more of this work, like, writing about finances, I find that there is really a divide. And even when I talk to friends about what I'm doing, it's almost like a a haze comes over their eyes, and it's like, okay. That's, like, not a place I wanna go.
[00:18:25] Dustin Serviss: In that you make more than them or they?
[00:18:27] Frankie Barnet: No. And that that... Just that I'm thinking about this stuff.
[00:18:31] Dustin Serviss: Mhmm.
[00:18:31] Frankie Barnet: That, there's something really alienating about, you know, I don't I don't think it would even be accurate to call it, like, the finance world, but just having a discussion about personal finances or about investments is something that I... That really alienates people, and it does feel like there's a certain language to it and that probably part of that is is the numbers. It... I'd... Sometime... And even me in the beginning researching a lot of this stuff, you feel like you can't quite get on steady ground. Like, it always feels like you're missing some key piece of information. And I think a lot of that is clarity.
[00:19:18] Dustin Serviss: Do... When you talk to your friends about money, does it feel braggy?
[00:19:21] Frankie Barnet: I'm trying to think. No. But I I wouldn't say in the conversation, but there's definitely I can definitely tell when I feel like someone is treading lightly with me because we both know they make more money. Or if I, you know, let's say I got this contract that, you know, for me is really well paid. I definitely would never wanna say how much it is to a friend who I know is making, like, fifteen dollars an hour at her job.
[00:19:56] Dustin Serviss: Right. And and that's that's social etiquette, though. I think
[00:20:01] Frankie Barnet: Yeah.
[00:20:02] Dustin Serviss: I think that where where the... Where I see... And, again, you're thirty two. Right?
[00:20:08] Frankie Barnet: Well, technically, I'm still thirty one for a couple of weeks.
[00:20:11] Dustin Serviss: Okay. So in in that that period of time... And, again, I'm forty for any... Anyone who hasn't heard me say that before. So we're we're kind of... We're one little kind of segment ahead or behind, each other. So in that age, there's... There is a real transition because you have people who are really, like, excelling and people who are coasting. And maybe some people, you know, because they got married at twenty, you might even start to see friends get divorced. And so you have this, like, this other group, which they're not in in sort of financial shape. But the younger generation, I think it's
[00:20:47] Dustin Serviss: and you're a communicator and you understand how to communicate. But if brainstorming is at the essence of what the conversation is, it can be very collaborative. Because we we talked about it in the last podcast, younger people have an interest in cryptocurrency, which again, love it or hate it, it's a thing. And with money and if you can brainstorm about it, you can help each other because likely you you haven't amassed, most of you haven't amassed a lot unless they've inherited or, you know, flip some real estate or something, but they haven't amassed a lot. So it's if you know what those tools are, you can talk about, hey, I read this.
[00:21:32] Dustin Serviss: That can be very effective. It's like, I remember that. So I think your generation will be even more so financially with it than the generation above me, for sure. And it isn't necessarily because people are trying to be movers and shakers or be flashy. It's just naturally... Well, it kinda contradicts what we just said about movies though. It's less in movies, but more in conversation. Because we... I look it out. My wife and I's friend group are... Many of the people are wellness advocates, whether they're running or the food they eat, or we're talking about gut biome. It's pretty dorky stuff.
[00:22:15] Dustin Serviss: But then at the same time, it's like, Oh, if I learned something at a party, it didn't cost me anything. It didn't cost that person anything to say, Hey, I would try this. It's working. And and so we, in theory, are are more well because of the the brainstorming conversations we have.
[00:22:31] Frankie Barnet: Right. Well, I do think, you know, for me and my friends... And I I don't know if this is something that happens to every generation. It most likely does. But I think there's a lot more... There's, like, a lot of social consciousness with people my age and especially in... I don't know. For me, personally, in the last, now I guess, five or six years, and a lot more interest in more like... Just so vague, but, like, structural issues in society. And my hope is is that understanding, you know, how systems work and and how wealth is, you know, in my opinion, a lot of times, un... Unfairly distributed, but definitely unevenly distributed.
[00:23:18] Frankie Barnet: My hope is that that that can lead to to less individual shame about, you know, feeling like you don't have enough. And and I think the shame is where... Is what drives us to to not talk about it and to hide these things.
[00:23:35] Dustin Serviss: Do do you think the shame could be mitigated if social media was was intentionally regulated? Do you think that our parents felt the same shame or it's now, like I think of every, if I went on Instagram, my phone right now, it's like there would be of my friends five vacation photos. It's springtime, so now I'm seeing people on their big boats. Yeah. So so that, you know, it's like, well, you don't know how happy or not happy they are. You just see a picture. And I'm not... I don't have hardly ever... I'm a poster. I'm not really a consumer of the content because to detach from that, it's like I have a calendar on my wall that
[00:24:26] Dustin Serviss: has little colored dots that's like every time I go mountain biking, I put a dot. Oh. And so when I see that, that's a cue that's like, I wanna put more dots up there.
[00:24:35] Frankie Barnet: Mhmm.
[00:24:35] Dustin Serviss: And so who do I wanna go biking with on Saturday? Oh, I should think I should text somebody. Yeah. Instead of looking at everyone else biking. You know? So instead of spending the time scrolling, I'm spending my time texting, and then I go out there and wash my bike. You know? So in the time that somebody scrolls and and gets nudged with a bunch of stuff that makes them feel like shit, I'm trying to make... You know, intentionally do something that makes me feel better.
[00:25:03] Frankie Barnet: That's actually... That's that's a cool idea, and then it's something visual that's replacing the visual experience of your phone. I I mean, I can't stand... I mean, I'm guilty of this doom scroll, but I I can't stand the way that... What these things are doing to us. It's terrible.
[00:25:24] Dustin Serviss: What have you taken a holiday off your phone or deleted your apps? Or, like, what would you lose if you deleted all your social media apps for a week?
[00:25:32] Frankie Barnet: I... Honestly, I don't have that much. I... Right now, I just have Instagram. And I did... I got... Listen to this. This is horrible. I got locked out of my Instagram because I I literally... I have, like, a ten year old cell phone.
[00:25:48] Dustin Serviss: K.
[00:25:49] Frankie Barnet: And there's all kinds of issues with it. So I'm always running out of storage. So one day, the phone locked me out of Instagram because it said I didn't have enough storage for the app anymore.
[00:25:59] Dustin Serviss: K.
[00:26:00] Frankie Barnet: And and it was nice because I didn't have to scroll through Instagram, and I didn't have to. And... Yeah. But it was... I I just scrolled through a site worse than Instagram in my opinion. I would scroll through BuzzFeed.
[00:26:19] Dustin Serviss: I don't even know what that is.
[00:26:20] Frankie Barnet: Oh, it's like it's like for teenagers. It's
[00:26:25] Dustin Serviss: At least you're keeping your your heart young.
[00:26:28] Frankie Barnet: I don't know. But it's always, like, it's, like, ten things to buy on Amazon that will change your life. Like, it's basically just, like,
[00:26:35] Dustin Serviss: endless advertisement. Yeah. As a guy, I... I've gone through it a few times where I've deleted all the apps. And then what I found myself doing was looking through classifieds of, like, Harleys and quads Uh-huh. And stuff. It's like... It didn't matter. It was like, I'll look at, like, chainsaws. Like, we already have a couple chainsaws. Like, what? Well, there might be a good deal, you know? So it's like, if I could find a good deal... And I wasn't even looking to, like, flip it and sell it. It's like, you're just looking for a good deal to, like, send that person that, hey. Is this still available? And then you're like, yep. Yeah.
[00:27:07] Dustin Serviss: It's available. You're like, oh, okay. I don't wanna. It's like, you know, you're expecting it to not be available It didn't help. Yeah. You're like, oh, I couldn't have bought that anyway. It wasn't available. So I think the pattern... And again, I know Angel and my wife, Jody, she goes through bouts where she deletes it and brings it back. And she's done some great job with some audio books and just reading. She just finished a book in two days. And she said, I didn't even realize how much time. Every time she wanted to pick up her phone, she picked up the book. Yeah. And again, she's busy. She works. We have kids and stuff. But
[00:27:44] Dustin Serviss: people do not realize how much time gets sucked up in that. And it isn't so much the physical time on the phone. It's the brain bandwidth. And then, like, we notice it, like, if if, you know, especially going through COVID and all the, like, stuff, we would sit down at the table in the morning and have a coffee, get the kids ready, and be like, hey, did you see whatever? And I would always just say, like, how does whatever actually fit with our goals?
[00:28:13] Frankie Barnet: Right.
[00:28:14] Dustin Serviss: Zero. It has zero. Like, it isn't preservation or survival. So it's like, can't even check that box off. It isn't opportunistic. Like, oh, I'm gonna make a big investment because I've seen this. And it didn't make me feel good. Like, I think people are so driven by, like, well, if I know it, I control it.
[00:28:35] Frankie Barnet: But the
[00:28:36] Dustin Serviss: reality is......
[00:28:36] Frankie Barnet: Just like some crap piece of news online. That's what you're talking about. Yeah.
[00:28:42] Dustin Serviss: Yeah.
[00:28:43] Frankie Barnet: Yeah. You mentioned that a few weeks ago, actually, and I thought about it a lot. Just that idea of, like, this thing I'm doing. Like, I think we all deserve our guilty pleasures from time to time. And and from time to time, it does serve us. But most of the time, you're completely right. It's like, what is this doing? How is this aligned with anything that matters to me?
[00:29:09] Dustin Serviss: Well, I think it's about taking the time to figure out what matters to you. And I did... I just had... I I did it a couple months ago because it was right in January, but I did a goals podcast, and it just got aired.
[00:29:23] Frankie Barnet: And Yeah.
[00:29:24] Dustin Serviss: I listened to it the other day, and I thought, yeah, like, you have to sit down and you have to take a few minutes. And I was feeling like I was a bit meandering on this Thursday, Monday was the holiday. It was like, Oh, I need to get revved up. I'm kind of lost. I had a couple weeks of really busy just service work. But I wrote down some of the things that I'm super excited about, some of the things that are good that have happened. And I've got it sitting here all week. It definitely has upped my mood, but it makes you more grounded. So you aren't getting... Especially for business people, you're being...
[00:30:02] Dustin Serviss: When you're thinking, you're in creative. So it's like people are asking stuff, people wanna change stuff, it's bump, bump, bump like a pinball, that you need to be able to find some place that you can always pull out and be like, Okay. We used to do a monthly marketing meeting with myself. It was a one person meeting with myself every first Wednesday.
[00:30:19] Frankie Barnet: Wait, what you said we used to do? Yeah, we
[00:30:23] Dustin Serviss: used to do. Me and my binder, me and my marketing binder would do this thing. We go to a coffee shop. I I would make myself stay there for, like, four hours.
[00:30:33] Frankie Barnet: Uh-huh.
[00:30:33] Dustin Serviss: Sometimes it'd be nine to three. Sometimes it'd be, like, eight to twelve just depending on how creative. But I would sit there. I would get two coffees when normally, I only drink one every second day. Two coffees, one sitting, which is unheard of for me. But then just let things go. If I would get slow in thought, I would pull out like a Denzel Washington motivational video on YouTube and just let that kind of get going. And then by the end of it, yeah, you'd have a written list of a number of things that, you know, you felt important. The last half hour of the meeting, you'd go and try and pick three because you can't do it all.
[00:31:08] Dustin Serviss: So you'd pick three. And for the next month in the business, that's all that I would focus on.
[00:31:14] Frankie Barnet: Yeah. So I love that.
[00:31:17] Dustin Serviss: Well, he was... Who's the meeting with? It's like my wife would be like a first, like, who are you meeting? I'm like myself. Like, that's weird.
[00:31:26] Frankie Barnet: No. That's... It's really fascinating to me, like, having these conversations. I think I said this, on our first week. Like, the the parallels between... I mean, I guess it's obvious, but between, business and creative stuff, like, I I am obsessed with... And a lot of creative people. I don't know if you've heard of it before. There's this book called The Artist's Way.
[00:31:52] Dustin Serviss: Tell me about it. I think maybe you've told me about it or I've seen it.
[00:31:55] Frankie Barnet: Maybe. I might have mentioned it. I don't feel that I'm blanking on the woman's name. It's Julia Cameron. Step program for artists. And a lot of it, you're supposed to journal every day, but a lot of it is reading kind of... Just reading a lot of text about common problems that might arise, and it's supposed to be identifying what your passions are and what maybe lost sources of creativity have been and and looking back in your life and realizing why. Like, were you told something as a child that that told you, like, art wasn't important or art wasn't serious, or maybe you tried and you showed some...
[00:32:40] Frankie Barnet: Someone something and they were really mean about it. But one of the the things she advocates for, what she calls a weekly artist date, where you do you do something by yourself that sounds exactly like you're meeting. You go to the movies or anything that... It's supposed to it's supposed to be you connecting with your inner child.
[00:33:03] Dustin Serviss: Yeah.
[00:33:04] Frankie Barnet: But, it's the same idea, like, taking time time off for yourself to connect with what what you want and to figure out what you want.
[00:33:15] Dustin Serviss: Yeah. I think there's there's... With business, and may... Maybe we talked a little bit, but not at length. That there's only two paths you can take in life, artists or business.
[00:33:29] Frankie Barnet: Mhmm.
[00:33:29] Dustin Serviss: Yeah. So music, you're gonna be a musician. It's like... So again, riffing on that for a second. It's like the artist's way is like the classic stereotype, not as much money. They're just kinda always in the coffee shop. They seem always like really nice, really chill. But then they just sort of make it by its business is like, that's a go getter, A type, not a lot of creative juices, very. And there's Yeah. You can't be either or you can't be both. And I I I would share openly this podcast. You know, we're seventy some episodes in, and there's no monetary, like I don't make money on this. It costs money. So,
[00:34:14] Dustin Serviss: but the reward is more of the conversations. Born out of COVID, when we couldn't meet people, it was like, oh, if we can't meet people, love to chat with them on the podcast.
[00:34:24] Frankie Barnet: Right.
[00:34:24] Dustin Serviss: You know, so it's like a social outlet slash, you know, well, this is an experiment right now what you and I are doing. It's like two people talking, and you're quizzing me, which is opposite of what a podcast usually is. But the goal being, how do we help people make better decisions around life, wealth, health? You know, we we started the podcast with a sex and money sort of subtopic. All that is wealth is not just money.
[00:34:54] Frankie Barnet: Mhmm.
[00:34:55] Dustin Serviss: Wealth, I ask people on the podcast, what is your ultimate picture of wealth? And the answers that you get are everything. Some people say money, other people say a blend. Some people say also I'm healthy. Dave Asprey from Bulletproof Radio, I think he named it different now. He openly talks about his life expectancy goal is age one hundred and fifty. And he is building his life, the decisions he makes, the people he meets, what he surrounds his mind with to live to one hundred and fifty. And so when you hear him talk, you kinda believe him. And you kinda go, Wow. I haven't really set intention on an age yet.
[00:35:38] Dustin Serviss: I could see as I get a little older that I won't want it to stop. I would say more, you know, again, more sexy. You know, it's probably research to promote better wellness and make your body function better for so many reasons. Your mind, you know, there's a whole whole thing in place I could go there. But I know you have probably a couple more questions, and I'm forty minutes in and rambling.
[00:36:02] Frankie Barnet: No. It's... I'm, I'm impressed with that life goal. Hundred and sixty years old.
[00:36:07] Dustin Serviss: Because is it... Again, what we talked about, it's... That's gonna take, you know, that defies odds. Seems impossible.
[00:36:16] Frankie Barnet: Well, what are people at now?
[00:36:21] Dustin Serviss: I think, like, in the life insurance world, life expectancy is, like, eighty nine, eighty eight.
[00:36:25] Frankie Barnet: Oh, okay. So that's big.
[00:36:26] Dustin Serviss: I think even younger for... I might screw... Let's just say on average, eighty six between male and female. Because one's a couple years longer.
[00:36:35] Frankie Barnet: Right.
[00:36:36] Dustin Serviss: But we're not into the nineties yet. So, you know, I've never done research on what, you know, the average lifespan is, but I just go by, you know, life insurance companies know pretty well who people are dying. But but you think of, like, you've got to sign... I think Dave Asprey, I would guess, is probably fifty. You know, you've gotta significantly change your... Some of the decisions that are being made now.
[00:37:07] Frankie Barnet: Right.
[00:37:07] Dustin Serviss: It might even be too late. I don't know how early he started, but he started a company called Bulletproof Coffee,
[00:37:13] Frankie Barnet: which Okay. Yeah.
[00:37:14] Dustin Serviss: Which, again, he did a lot of studies on the brain, and his wife, I think, is some sort of surgeon. But his coffee was, yeah, m... MCT oil, ghee butter Right. And a specific coffee that has no mold in it. I tried it for a while. My cholesterol went through the roof, so I don't know if
[00:37:38] Frankie Barnet: I've never tried it, but I wish him luck. I, I'm convinced he'll make it. Yeah.
[00:37:44] Dustin Serviss: Yeah. That's right.
[00:37:48] Frankie Barnet: Alright. Let me see here. Let me think of... Okay. So I have... So one thing I I wanted to hear if you... And this is kind of, like, maybe going over the same territory, but it was, like, I just wanted to hear if you think that this is crazy.
[00:38:07] Dustin Serviss: I know.
[00:38:09] Frankie Barnet: So when I got married, my husband and I had been together for, I don't know, probably five or six years. And though it was no big deal, we we... It wasn't like a huge, like, a late... A huge discussion about if we were gonna do it. It it made perfect sense. It was very... It felt very natural. We had a beautiful wedding. The planning was awful because I hate money and I'm barely uncomfortable with it. But, but it was it was beautiful. We're we're happy... I mean, we're relatively happy couple. When we got married in the States, we've been living in the States because I was going to school there. My husband is born... Is American.
[00:39:01] Frankie Barnet: But after we got married, we decided to come to Canada because... For various reasons. But, it meant that he had to apply to get his permanent residency, which took two years
[00:39:14] Dustin Serviss: Wow.
[00:39:14] Frankie Barnet: Because it was during the pandemic, and that was, like, a a whole other whole other story. But if... So he finally gets it, he's a Canadian resident, he can have... And mind you this whole time this whole time this is so weird. I... Again, it was during the pandemic, so it was not a normal lifestyle, but he would always have my... Or had my debit card with me because I was I was working because he couldn't work, so he would run the errands. So he would just always have... And we called it the debit card.
[00:39:51] Dustin Serviss: Right.
[00:39:51] Frankie Barnet: It's no big deal. I had no... And, you know, because I was the only one working, we were on a pretty strict budget, but it wasn't, like, and no. It wasn't a big deal at all. Didn't give it a second thought that he always had the debit card. Then he gets his, permanent residency, and he says, okay. So now I can get my own debit card. We'll go down to the bank. You can join my... I can join on your bank account. And I was like... I felt so uncomfortable. Yeah. I felt like... I was like, I've had this bank account since I was fourteen years old. I, like, don't wanna let you in. Yeah. Like, it's mine. I...
[00:40:37] Frankie Barnet: And it was like, I did it and and it wasn't like a huge deal, but I I... A part of me feels horrified that I was, like, some kind of freak that I had that feeling. I was more nervous to let him in my checking account than I was to get married to him.
[00:40:58] Dustin Serviss: Yeah.
[00:41:00] Frankie Barnet: Is that normal?
[00:41:02] Dustin Serviss: Yep. Unfortunately, it is. So I would say go back me up to your parents. Are they still together or are they divorced?
[00:41:15] Frankie Barnet: They're still together.
[00:41:16] Dustin Serviss: Together? Yeah. Both working? Like, are both work?
[00:41:20] Frankie Barnet: My dad's retired now, but my mom is still working.
[00:41:25] Dustin Serviss: So not so much issue there. Feel free to not pass on the question. But I would ask, do... Are you a, like, woman power crusader that's like, you know, equality... Woman equality, this is wrong?
[00:41:49] Frankie Barnet: Kind of statement. Yeah. Like, I think to, like, the normal degree for someone in my generation. But like I said, I had no problem. Like, he had my debit card in his wallet for, like, two years, and I had no problem with that.
[00:42:06] Dustin Serviss: He was not on the account, though.
[00:42:08] Frankie Barnet: I know. Okay. Yeah. I...
[00:42:12] Dustin Serviss: So so I will give you some experience again because I I have opinions, but I think experience in my seventeen years of wealth planning, it... Probably sixty five percent of my clients go joint. Okay. Because people ask, like, what's right or wrong? And it really is the people. Right. I have, multiple dentist clients where husband and wife are both dentists, where they do separate banking. So... And it totally works. So they buy a house together. The house might be in one person's name and the other person pays essentially rent. They're married, kids, all that stuff, but it's just, they figure out a number.
[00:43:01] Dustin Serviss: They put it into a joint account, the mortgage payment, the groceries, and the house bills all come out of that account. But then the money that they make for themselves, they can spend on whatever they want because they're doing their retirement plan. That's all of the joint. So that's... It's very coordinated
[00:43:21] Frankie Barnet: Right.
[00:43:22] Dustin Serviss: But not joint banking. And And I can think of another couple who's retired. Same idea, retirement income comes into their own accounts. They put money to cover food. They don't have a mortgage, but food. So it's... I don't think it's... I think your feelings are totally valid and normal. I don't know how to coach people. So I'm trying to think you've gone through it. You've made it. It's okay. You guys are fine. Still using the debit card. It's okay.
[00:44:01] Frankie Barnet: Yeah. And and it's fine now. We're still we're still on the same account. It's not an issue. But, especially, like, thinking about all this stuff for this week, I realized a lot of examples of how... Of just how money does make me more uncomfortable than... I mean, I would say than anything, but the topic of today than sex. Like, I find, like, if I were to watch a a TV show where someone goes out on the town and, like, I don't know, has, like, a wild orgy, like, I feel like, okay, whatever. But when I watch or when I read something about someone bending recklessly, I get, like, a feeling in my chest. It's so uncomfortable to me.
[00:44:44] Dustin Serviss: So you relive it, which, again, I I gotta hammer on you again about your scrolling. Because you are reliving, like, whether you're watching videos from Ukraine Yeah. Or you're watching, you know, different things where it's negative. You know, if I... Again, if I turn on my Facebook and I go to, I don't know. It's not my feed, but whatever the first thing that shows up on Facebook, it's like the stories and and maybe I haven't gotten it enough to like Yeah. Watch dirt bike videos and sled videos to get what I like, but fight stuff comes up. Like, it'll be like a fight in seven eleven or like convenience store.
[00:45:22] Frankie Barnet: Like two random.
[00:45:23] Dustin Serviss: Like two guys like fighting. And and it's like, woah. That's rad. But, like, if if you were sucked into that, you'd be like, oh. And it's like, there's another one. There's another one. Yeah. And so, you know, that wasn't a fighter in high school, but you, like, relive those moments where you did get beat up.
[00:45:41] Frankie Barnet: Right.
[00:45:42] Dustin Serviss: That's like And
[00:45:42] Frankie Barnet: you start thinking that that's what the world is. Then if you go out to a seven eleven, someone's gonna punch you. Yeah.
[00:45:48] Dustin Serviss: It's like, well, I better get prepared. I better be carrying a knife for a gun. You know? Like, that's... Well, it's like, well, that... Who knows where that happened?
[00:45:56] Frankie Barnet: And- Right.
[00:45:57] Dustin Serviss: So I think my input for you and for the other person who maybe is just about to get married and you're gonna have that, like, do we do joint banking conversation?
[00:46:11] Frankie Barnet: Mhmm.
[00:46:12] Dustin Serviss: What can we give them to to feel okay about it? And I would say back to what we talked about, sex, money, and communication. That could be the title of the podcast is Yeah. How... Partner, how do you see us paying for the groceries? If you aren't living together, how do you see us doing that?
[00:46:33] Frankie Barnet: Mhmm.
[00:46:33] Dustin Serviss: Well, this is how I say, oh, that's not how I saw it. I know from from my step, we... My wife and I had a in... In in... We had different incomes.
[00:46:43] Frankie Barnet: Yeah.
[00:46:44] Dustin Serviss: Again, she worked at Minh. I own a company. Her incomes are different. But then when it would come to spending, I could easily go out and buy dirt bikes, snowmobiles because maybe I knew there was a a big bonus coming or there was something coming down the pipe where she didn't have that ability because we have a joint checking where her and my income go into. But, you know, I I... My income goes into the company account. So, you know, you could have this situation. So we had some very, you know, in-depth... It was more me getting a little more mature about that we are a unit. And, you know, that money that that I can generate is more,
[00:47:26] Dustin Serviss: but it's total income. We put our incomes together. And it's like, okay. And every year we kind of lay out our spending and go, okay, well, I would like to do this. She's considering going to a course down south. It's expensive. And Mhmm. It's important to her. And she's been putting in the work for the last year to get to this point to go to the course. Right. That course is probably ten percent of her income for the whole year. So it's like, well, if I if I was my old self, I'd be like, well, no. Because that means I'm gonna be funding a lot of it. Right. Because I already, you know, pay for the bills, but we don't.
[00:48:06] Dustin Serviss: We put it in a big Right. And we we we make our... We try to. I'm I'm still guilty of, you know, six, seven hundred dollars and under. I kinda will pull the trigger on those myself, and I get in trouble for it.
[00:48:20] Frankie Barnet: Well, I mean, another thing that... And you can weigh into this personally if you want to or or not, like, in a general sense. Something that came up a lot of my research too is, typically, women are the people who are gonna be performing unpaid labor in in the house. So they're typically the ones who will do the cleaning or if you have children, do more... Take on more of the childcare responsibilities, and and you don't get paid for that.
[00:48:50] Dustin Serviss: Mhmm.
[00:48:51] Frankie Barnet: So I think that adds, like, another... I would imagine that would add another element to it.
[00:48:57] Dustin Serviss: Yep. As soon as a person moves in together and as soon as you have kids together, those conversations are real. So for all the, like, you know, macho alpha males, listening, I can tell you, you know, you spend money usually if you're a go getter on fitness course, you spend the money on online courses, Learnly or any of those online platforms. You spend money on supplements. You spend money on things that help your life. A lot of people don't spend money on counseling or researching stuff about relationships. So you don't have to dive into it like you want to be the next guru. But at least maybe once a quarter, every three
[00:49:40] Dustin Serviss: months, you throw in listen to a relationship podcast. You throw in listen to a Have Better Sex podcast. You just try and build up that. And it does affect your wealth. Yeah. If you get a divorce, your wealth's cut in half. So as someone who's watching multiple clients right now go through divorces, and when you do the math, that is very, I come from a divorced family. My parents are divorced thirty years, but they're still friends. That is something that you look at and go, wow. Like, what can we do now to prevent that instead of trying to fix it when it happens?
[00:50:21] Frankie Barnet: Right. Exactly. And that, I mean, that would be an investment.
[00:50:25] Dustin Serviss: Hundred percent. Yep. Sex is an investment. No. Because, usually, it requires, more than just, you know, the action. It requires, you know... Well, I'm talking about married couples, not so much the dating scene. But, yeah, we might have to get a third person on here and have, like, a sex psychologist unpack stuff. I wanted to say something, and I can't... I lost my train of thought. So it'll it'll pop up, and we'll have another whole podcast on it.
[00:50:56] Frankie Barnet: Okay. Cool.
[00:50:57] Dustin Serviss: Well, thanks, Frankie. We are at time, and I look forward to, the next one.
[00:51:03] Frankie Barnet: Me too. Thanks, Dustin. Bye bye.
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