Nikki Fogden-Moore ON: Defining success and retraining the brain - Practical tools and insights for business owners to achieve work-life balance. (#117) — Transcript
Updated: Oct 26
THE PICTURE OF WEALTH · EPISODE 117
Nikki Fogden-Moore joins Dustin Serviss to discuss defining success, examining limiting beliefs and making clearer decisions about business and life.
Listen to the episode
This transcript was generated from the episode audio and lightly edited for readability. It may contain transcription or speaker-attribution errors. Refer to the recording for exact wording.
Chapters
[00:00:00] Redefining success
[00:03:26] Questioning inherited beliefs
[00:07:15] The handwritten clarity exercise
[00:11:16] Resourcefulness and mind over matter
[00:15:20] Breathing and the inner voice
[00:19:15] Self-mastery and a remarkable life
[00:23:46] Removing fear from money conversations
[00:27:13] Communicating ideas with clarity
[00:30:45] Working through stories about selling
[00:34:44] Movement, vitality and practical habits
Guest & resources
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Transcript
[00:00:00] Nikki Fogden-Moore: What I am gonna do is be willing enough to go... Instead of piling more on my plate and having seventeen discussions about why I can and why I can't, I'm actually gonna go back to ground zero with my significant other, with myself. I'm I'm gonna put my oxygen mask on first, and I'm actually gonna press pause and go, what does success really mean to me now?
[00:00:22] Dustin Serviss: Welcome to the picture of wealth or t pow as we call it. I'm your host, Dustin Servais. Nikki, Fogg, and Moore, thank you for coming on the show today. We are talking everything, we're gonna talk about all sorts of stuff. But the premise that we talked about before was negative thinking, limited belief mindset, more so business owner, successful. No. I can't take Fridays off. I... And we're telling you, you can. Now you can inject your own innuendo of what Fridays off means to you, but I hope to get into those weeds today. Nikki's a coach. She's a lioness, and I'm very excited to, have you on the show.
[00:01:09] Dustin Serviss: You've even got the fitting shirt, to to prove it. Thank you for going on.
[00:01:14] Nikki Fogden-Moore: Thanks very much for having me, Dustin. I can't wait to have this conversation. We're both in amazing places of the world too. I'm right by the beach and you're right by the lake, and, I'm I'm very fond of Canada. So, yeah. I'm excited.
[00:01:28] Dustin Serviss: Awesome. Well, what time is it there? Just, out of curiosity.
[00:01:32] Nikki Fogden-Moore: It's quarter past eight in the morning. So we're morning ahead of you. So...
[00:01:35] Dustin Serviss: Okay. We're three in the afternoon. So let's, let's finish up and you're just getting started. So, Nikki, let's open up. Let's get right into the weeds. We've got limited time. Listening is busy. We've got a business owner who is successful. They, you know, have a good business. It's running, but life's not balanced. There is something that they suspect or something that maybe is significant other is suggesting is impacting their life. And maybe they don't see it because they're so busy in their day to day grind, but to take that Friday off or to maybe take a holiday or to maybe not work Saturdays, where does that come from?
[00:02:16] Dustin Serviss: When you're talking to founders and coaching CEOs, where do you notice that coming from? And part two of the question is gonna be, what can we do to start recognizing, you know, if we've got a bit of a, limiting belief?
[00:02:30] Nikki Fogden-Moore: Yeah. Well, great question. The million dollar question or the billion dollar question. You know, overwhelm, stress, and burnout is, you know, an eight hundred and fifty billion dollar industry, if not more. It's a bit like the diet industry now. So everyone's on the the mindset train and stop burnout. And, you know, I've been doing this for more than twenty five years, even though I'm only twelve. You know, I'm still
[00:02:51] Dustin Serviss: I was gonna say, I'm glad you said something. I hope that people can see the video.
[00:02:55] Nikki Fogden-Moore: I... Fundamentally, what we've got is we've got an outdated operating system for our modern landscape. So most of us aged between, say, like, forty to sixty five or whatever have still grown up in the work hard, push through, you know, like, it's almost like a military mode of, yeah. I I came through that day and high five, and I just walk in the door, and I'm exhausted and like a badge of honor. And what... With these three statements that I think we have to break up with, one is tall poppy syndrome, which is definitely an Australasian thing. I don't think in Canada, it's
[00:03:26] Dustin Serviss: very difficult to
[00:03:26] Nikki Fogden-Moore: have that tall poppy syndrome. So that's like, if you're doing really well, don't show off. Don't kind of let anyone know about it. Don't be too big for your boots. So these kind of show that you've had to bleed to get your success. And the other thing is it doesn't kill you. It makes you stronger and all these kind of, you know, sentences that we grew up with, which is like, you can't have your dessert until you've had your vegetables. Now we've got a younger generation, which is like, show me the money, but I won't turn up to work. So we've got these polarizing things where you can't find stuff, and you're like, where's this work ethic?
[00:03:59] Nikki Fogden-Moore: And you're trying to figure your own stuff out as a founder. And I think because we've got such limited time today, because this is a topic that I've talked about for hours, is the most important information I'd like to give anyone listening to this is you've actually gotta pause for a second and be able to be willing to define what great looks like to you. So not what was imposed on you. The very first step is to go, I understand. We all know we need to be doing things differently. But feeding the machine of coping with stress, feeding the machine of dealing with burnout, feeding the machine of balancing work life,
[00:04:35] Nikki Fogden-Moore: that's actually just a coping mechanism like taking a Panadol or a Nurofen. What I wanna do is talk about taking that initial microchip that has got you to where you've got today and being willing to go just like any computer system, iPhone, whatever. We're gonna update our operating system. So today's chat is about updating your operating system. We go, that is outdated. I'm not gonna hang around and try and reboot that thing because it is done and dusted. But what I am gonna do is be willing enough to go, instead of piling more on my plate and having seventeen discussions about why I can and why I can't, I'm actually gonna go back to ground
[00:05:12] Nikki Fogden-Moore: zero with my significant other, with myself. I'm gonna put my oxygen mask on first, and I'm actually gonna press pause and go, what does success really mean to me now? So anyone listening to this that's gone through businesses and you've got stuff and you've probably made it, I want you to press pause and go before I rush in and, you know, do my winning weeks, which Nikki's gonna talk about and write a ninety day plan. I actually need to give myself permission to go, what does great look like? What do... What is a winning week? Where am I gonna have work life blend? Because if you're anything like me or maybe Dustin, we are...
[00:05:46] Nikki Fogden-Moore: There's no separation between church and state. We are an exudence of our work. Like, I love my job, and I work ridiculous hours. My number ends in nine one one, for a reason, but I wouldn't have it any other way. And the times I wanna go and pack groceries and go, oh my god, I just get up the next morning, and I'm at it again because it is a force within you. But what we've gotta give ourselves permission to do is go, you know, are we doing things that we love? Are we combining that with what we're good at? And are we really sitting down and going, I am in the driver's seat of my life. I'm not the back seat.
[00:06:23] Nikki Fogden-Moore: There's a reason that the the windscreen is bigger than the rear vision mirror. So we've got to stop looking back and justifying the exhaustion, the confusion, the overwhelm, and the stress that comes with running a business and make a neuroplasticity shift, a neurolinguistic
[00:06:41] Dustin Serviss: shift
[00:06:41] Nikki Fogden-Moore: in our brain, a quantum physics to go, if you can think it, it can happen. We understand all this as intelligent business leaders, but what we need to do is apply that knowledge. And I guess it's like a bull at the rodeo. I'm like smashing through the gate ready to go, and all your excuses, we're just gonna buck those excuses off because all they're doing is holding you back from your brilliance, from success, from life being a rally. So the question is not why can't we do it. The question is are you willing to break up with the stories that justify why you're not in that seat already.
[00:07:15] Nikki Fogden-Moore: And if you're willing to do that, then you take a blank piece of paper and we can rewrite the script. But what you have to do when you're doing your a column, which is your awesome life column, is you have to do the b column, and you write it out by hand, not on your phone, not on the computer, because cognitively, we we, you know, we take information from our brains, and when you write it down, it clears your your thinking and your folders out, which is extremely important for clarity of thinking, conscious decision making. And then you do your a column, your awesome column, and then you must write down the blurts.
[00:07:48] Nikki Fogden-Moore: And the blurts are what I call the yeah buts. So you'd be like, it's alright for you, Nikki. Yep. You know, you didn't know this. You know, I've got three kids and four staff, and I've just put on a new construction worker, and my accountant's pregnant and la la la la la la. You know, like, I don't care because you are actually a person that is running a business. And if you look back in your life, I guarantee you that you've achieved everything you've set out, but we quickly forget that. So we're gonna just throw a bunch of energy at your listeners today and go, well, we will give you the tools to either make a choice.
[00:08:22] Nikki Fogden-Moore: You listen to this, you go, oh my god. That was so inspiring, and nothing changes. Or you listen to this and you grab a pen and paper, you say, I'm just gonna do one next right thing. And that one right thing is, what do I really want my life to look at now? What... How do I wanna spend my days? How do I wanna spend quality time with my family, my significant other? If you've worked yourself to the bone and maybe your marriage has broken up and you've lost some relationships, what does a good relationship look like for you, and how will you make that time so that you have work life blend?
[00:08:52] Nikki Fogden-Moore: And when you give yourself permission to be just happy and work hard and be in awe like a rally, then nothing's gonna stop you. But that's gonna take retraining the brain, which is your mental gym as a founder, as a business owner, as a parent, as a partner to go, I have to swipe left on negative thinking, that's my thought Tinder, swipe left on that, and choose my next thought.
[00:09:18] Dustin Serviss: I love it. Thank you, Nikki. That was, that was exciting. This leads me to ask and sort of solidify your concept with an emotional binder, if you will. And give us a Nikki story where whether it was five years ago, ten years ago, or why you got into this business of helping entrepreneurs where, you know, ten, twelve, twenty years ago, you thought a certain way, and now you think drastically different. And when you were twenty years ago or, you know, in the past, you thought that thought you had would never change. That was like a Nikki value that you had. And so where have you come from that using the tools and
[00:09:56] Dustin Serviss: and tricks that you're talking about? And and give us the the actual story.
[00:09:59] Nikki Fogden-Moore: That's an interesting question because I think I've always been a little bit of an anomaly. Like, you know, I grew up on a farm. I'm the youngest of six kids by nine years. Very uncool, hand me downs. I grew up as a tomboy, so I was out on the tractor at four with my dad, and and my parents are New Zealand family on a farm, extremely hardworking. And so that business ethic and that curiosity as a kid, I was... I always had, like, imaginary friends. So my mom my mom would have to make me extra lunch for my imaginary So I've always had this curious mindset, but my story is a little bit different because I've had a lot of
[00:10:38] Nikki Fogden-Moore: big things happen in my life. I was involved in a bus accident, and I've died, you know, on the way out to an island and come back. And I've had all these kind of other things that I almost forget about, but I realized that my attitude to life that I have now, I've always had. The challenge was it didn't fit what society said I should do. So I came from boarding school, and then I went straight to work, university, all that stuff, and ticked all those boxes and was extremely driven to have jobs, like I'm sure all your listeners can probably relate to, that were way above our age, that we're way above our responsibility,
[00:11:16] Nikki Fogden-Moore: but we just figured it out. And looking back, you're like, god. You know? But that's where you learned and you got your experience. But I've always... From injuries and all those experiences, I've always had to be very resourceful. So when I had that school bus accident, I was only twelve, and we had to go back on a bus to go to the court case at twelve years old at boarding school. So I invented this thing called MOM, MUM, mind over matter. So I I remember going on this bus that smelled exactly the same, and anyone that's been in a horrific accident or trauma experience knows that you can never erase the acetic quality of something.
[00:11:54] Nikki Fogden-Moore: And I'm just a kid at boarding school going back after months in hospital, and I smelled this bus, and I have to get back on a bus. And so I thought, mind never matters. So I'd sit on the bus and I'd go, mind never matter. So I'd train myself to to reduce panic because I didn't have a choice. I had no... There was no counseling. There was no support systems. You just got back at it. It's like getting back on the horse for right or wrong. Those abilities to find the resources within. And if I think about looking back, all the work experience, I, you know, I started an athlete management agency, I ran a health and fitness business
[00:12:32] Nikki Fogden-Moore: for many, many years, and then I started life's a gym. And I started taking CEOs and founders on retreats twenty years ago when I was still working in advertising because they would go, how come you've got so much energy in the morning? So I started this work life blend, healthy, wealthy wise. I've had grown up my entire life, but I never fit in anywhere when I was younger. I was just always like a little, you know, like a giraffe, just slightly different from all the other animals in the zoo, you know, kind of looking around. And now as I got older, you can't ask Siri for the level of experience that we all have to go through.
[00:13:09] Nikki Fogden-Moore: And I was having this conversation because I run these things called dynasty dinners and legacy lunches, and we was talking about when you get to a certain age, you start telling people to fork off. You're like, you know what?
[00:13:22] Dustin Serviss: Just Totally.
[00:13:23] Nikki Fogden-Moore: You just have that... I just can't... Because you've got no room for all the drama, and you have no room because you have responsibilities. So you can't be bothered with the small stuff, But you can't just get that from an online course. You can't... You... It's a rite of passage. So anyone on your show has earned a rite of passage to go, all I need to do is grab a blank piece of paper and sit down with my significant other or go and look at a lake and actually allow my intelligence, because in our heart, we have an atom that's carried through generation. That's why a lot of people have, experiences or they can play
[00:14:02] Nikki Fogden-Moore: piano or they can sing and they're like generational information, or they can be really good at building a guitar and they've never done woodwork before because your heart carries an atom all the way through. And I think what's really important is that we understand our own intelligence is not what is given to us on the Internet and is not what is given to us by the government, but we have to be interdependent, and we have to trust ourselves. And so learning work life blend, learning to define what good looks like, and learning to be curious is an essential ingredient in today's modern world. You have to know what your vital ingredients are.
[00:14:41] Dustin Serviss: Is curious something you can learn, or is some... Is curious something that's natural?
[00:14:46] Nikki Fogden-Moore: I think that you can decide. If you've gone through anything in life, they've got two things. You either decide that life does stuff to you or you do things with life. So I think you can fundamentally not wait for a catastrophic moment in your life. If you're listening to Dustin now and you're one of his clients, you're listening to the show, this is your message. This is it, You know? And you can't get your time back. So it is about a choice. Curiosity is a choice, and that's what we're teaching in replacing negative thinking. The fastest way to get out of panic is to number one, listen to
[00:15:20] Nikki Fogden-Moore: your breath because that's the one thing that keeps you alive, and what that does is it instantaneously grounds you. So it's like, you know, if you're a Red Bull athlete or if you're a sniper, they teach you to breathe. So that's the first step. The second step is to listen to the little voice. My famous saying is your ego is not your amigo, and that's just your subconscious. But don't tell it off. Just go, hey, dude. I hear you, but I'm choosing this now, because your ego invariably is just what we grew up with. I don't know if you've read, I think it's Untethering of the Soul by Michael Singer or Untethered Soul and these...
[00:15:57] Nikki Fogden-Moore: All these beautiful things. Anyone that tells you you can break up with your subconscious is, first of all, not honoring who you are as a whole person, and secondly, even the greatest athletes in the world like Rafael Nadal, you know, tennis players. Imagine standing on that court, the balls don't come any slower the higher you get. So it's between here that our investment matters. And that mindset, that curiosity, you can have a choice that you decide today that you will replace fear with curiosity, and you put that on your bathroom mirror, you stick it on your screensaver with the phone. In fact, I'll make one for your listeners.
[00:16:35] Nikki Fogden-Moore: I will make you a Dustin screensaver that we say, I will replace fear with curiosity, and that's my new mental gym. I'm gonna stop flexing the left bicep with fear, and I'm gonna start flexing the right bicep with possibility. And if you do that time and time again after twenty one days, you are gonna be a different person with a different ecosystem. But you let other people do their own thing because all you're responsible for is how you show up. And you will find that relationships back to you, that your employees back to you, that your your intimate relationships change as a result because you're not trying to sell anything in anymore.
[00:17:11] Nikki Fogden-Moore: And, obviously, you know, I've got decades of talking about this. I'm very passionate about this topic, but what I really want people to know when they're listening is you can do this, but it is completely a mindset. That's all it is. It's not a million... You don't need a million bucks. It's free.
[00:17:28] Dustin Serviss: When you're talking about the initial onset of just blank piece of paper, trying to write it, we often do with our staff in our monthly marketing brainstorming meeting, we say, it's not how, it's wow. Because everyone gets so like, well, how would that work? And how, like, you get to almost running too fast before you even got the idea out. And so just let's think, wow, not how, and, that fits with, with what you're talking about. Nikifogganmore dot com, that was a great, a great push. I love that ego is not your amigo. And, in what you're seeing right now, has there been a shift? And my personal story would be pre COVID, lots of energy,
[00:18:13] Dustin Serviss: business, you know, static direction, easy, like growth was a linear line almost and, you know, you had the goals and all the stuff. Then everything sort of gets kind of upset. And there was a period of time in there where I remember going like, well, am I gonna do this for twenty more years? Like, I don't know. And it's not you doubting it. It's just your excitement level and your passion, which you always sort of had. And I would say that maintaining curiosity and sort of a revamp time. So for listener, if you're in that place of... If it's feeling like a slog or, you know, I've got another ten
[00:18:50] Dustin Serviss: years of this, twenty years, it's probably time for a refresh. It's probably time to look at nikki fog and moore dot com, check out some of the content. And, Nikki, if that person, so listener is in a in a slow point, plateau, whatever you wanna call it, you've given us the tools to kind of, you know, take some steps, but why? Why should they do that? Like, this... And we're all busy.
[00:19:15] Nikki Fogden-Moore: Yeah. I love that. Well, my question is why would you not want remarkable? Why would you not wanna wake up and feel that no matter what's coming your way, you feel electric about your life? You know, this whole thing is about self mastery. I call it your personal Harvard, because if you think about the billions of dollars and this eternal search for happiness, because success usually is correlated to people feeling happy because they've made money or they've got an accolade. But there's a famous expression, I think it's from Krishna, that says they've placed the head of God inside of man because it's the last place you'll look. Yeah.
[00:19:51] Nikki Fogden-Moore: Now I'm not a particularly religious person. I believe in all sorts of galactic things because I'm just like that, you know. So it's like the galaxy has called you up, and I'm here with my clipboard to go, welcome, Dustin. Let me show you the way, you know. But I think what's important is that we need to stop looking outside ourselves, and we need to stop looking for validation because that's where we get caught up in in programming of what great looks like when, really, my sole purpose is to, instill self leadership and self confidence where the skills that you are given as a human being,
[00:20:26] Nikki Fogden-Moore: we work together like this amazing, puzzle on this planet where we show up as strong pieces of ourselves rather than a soggy piece of the puzzle because we're not sure how we should react. So why is the most important question, and I turn that around. And and the only reason that you would wiggle out of it is because your subconscious has kept itself partying, doing drugs, having a great time, telling you no, and with a false sense of security, it does not wanna be kicked out of the nightclub in your brain. It's like it's been living there rent free. So the moment you actually start to replace it with curiosity, the blurts come
[00:21:04] Nikki Fogden-Moore: up, which is really important. You can't do the work without recognizing the blurts and having compassion for that side of yourself, which is, I really appreciate that your tenacity and sense of security has got me to create the business where it is, but I choose that I wanna live in flow, not force. Why? Stress is a choice. Overwhelm is actually a choice. It really is, but we have to believe it without evidence. We're evidence based society, you have to create your own evidence, and that's why I said at the beginning of this chat if everyone listening really looks back, I guarantee you that whatever you've put your
[00:21:44] Nikki Fogden-Moore: mind to, you've made happen. There's your evidence. So what you think about expands. So I want you to water the flowers, not the weeds.
[00:21:51] Dustin Serviss: So when you're following your intuition, is there any tools that you could give listener for decision making? Because in wealth and finance, money, conversations with your spouse about money, those are the kind of the pinnacle of decisions, usually. Buying a bigger house, you know, financing something, taking a debt, starting a business. Is there any decision making tools you could help someone and weaving in your your using your intuition, but then using re... Because research and Google is for a lot of things, you can find enough, but is there a line like, you know Yeah. Health stuff that's in your body that you can't see, you're assuming,
[00:22:29] Dustin Serviss: unless you use your imagery or whatever.
[00:22:31] Nikki Fogden-Moore: Well, are you are you assuming? Because actually, your body's so smart. Your body is... We're so smart, and I talk about this atom in your heart that is your ultra intelligence. So this comes back to the basic fundamental of self trust. There... There's three steps you must take to have conscious decision making. One is you have to have a quiet space. So you... Even if it's in a nanosecond, you you put both feet on the ground and you ask yourself one question, calmly, the first answer will be the right answer, and it'll probably be the quietest answer. The rest will be society's ego programming. Yeah. But...
[00:23:09] Nikki Fogden-Moore: She'll be like, I really like the sound of that podcast. And then your your subconscious will go, shit. I'm about to be kicked out of this rent space. So... Yeah. But she's in Australia, and it's a show, and they're not you. And, like, you know, there's, like, a hundred sentences that come from it. So when we talk about... I love this conversation about relationships because I work so much with founders and CEOs and extremely intelligent people that have already made it. And what we do is unlock conscious conversations that there is absolutely no conflict. Because if you're in your truth, nobody can argue with that.
[00:23:46] Nikki Fogden-Moore: So how you talk about finance is you have to remove fear. I always say, what's the worst that can happen if you talk to your spouse or your business partner and you say, I really wanna explore the possibility of all these financial discussions, but there is no fear allowed in this room. Because the only reason people defend a situation is because they're afraid. The only reason people trigger and say and project is because they're afraid. Whereas I would say, well, is that a fact? So facts and stats are the most your friend, and that's where you go, do you know p and l, and what is your trajections, and blah blah blah blah blah. And...
[00:24:22] Nikki Fogden-Moore: But the... You've gotta come back to that original question of thirty odd minutes ago, what does great look like to you? The biggest mistake is people hustling for millions of dollars of turnover, cannibalizing their profit and cannibalizing their time. So you might have a smaller business in turnover to be highly profitable, and you'll have more me time and more time with your family. So profit just isn't cash. Profit is time, health, wealth, and energy, and so we have to reframe what success is like. Success is not having a massive building with your name on it if inside
[00:24:55] Nikki Fogden-Moore: it, it's an empty shell and everyone's miserable, and you're constantly trying to pull cash in. Success for me is that you can run a business that's not relying on social media because the work you do spreads like wildfire, and it's a privilege to work with you. So we've gotta go back to those old basics of relationships and just do really good work and just be a really good person and and take the fear out because what are you trying to prove anyway?
[00:25:19] Dustin Serviss: I wasn't gonna go here, but I think we're gonna go here. Neil Pasricha, wrote a book called the happiness equation. So this is his idea, but I do, I do think it's important and it's called spousal influence awareness. And we added onto it. I mean, an acronym called SIA SIA, because it's very important to, you might be nodding, but listener, if you've not heard of this concept, I have done a whole podcast on it, but it is important to remind yourself. When you're making financial decision, you need the energy and the space to debate them constructively. So listener, you think about how often you are happy.
[00:25:56] Dustin Serviss: You know, maybe that's sixty percent of the time, seventy, eighty. Let's say you're happy eighty percent of the time, and your partner is happy of the same, about eighty percent of the time. So he he has a charge. And long story short, if you think about those numbers, that means if you're both happy eighty percent of the time, you actually are happy together at the same time sixty four percent of the time. So when most financial arguments happen, it's probably because one of you is happy and one of you is at your thirty two percent of not being happy. And so you've got this instant thing that, no, you know, we're not gonna do that.
[00:26:32] Dustin Serviss: Well, you just haven't figured out that they had a bad day. Where I'm going with this is when you're coaching CEOs and founders about business and about bringing ideas and expansion, how do you help couples? Because even though CEO might be, or the owner might be the owner, the significant other is part of the equation.
[00:26:52] Nikki Fogden-Moore: A hundred percent.
[00:26:53] Dustin Serviss: If there's families and there's risk, you know, I'm gonna, I don't wanna expand in Asia. It's like we are in Canada. Yeah, I'm gonna go to Asia four weeks every six. Well, that doesn't really work for the family. So, you know, what ideas come to fruition about CEO making a better connection between work and family as it applies to big decisions. Does that make sense?
[00:27:13] Nikki Fogden-Moore: Yeah. I think what you're asking is that alignment, you know, and that freedom to express ideas without it being shut down. Because as a founder, an entrepreneur, or a CEO, invariably, you have a pioneering brain that's like, oh, and we often get frustrated because we're like, well, why doesn't anyone get it? But it's our ability to communicate clearly. So what I've learned is... Because I had quite a strong fitness background. Like, I was head trainer for women's health and fitness magazine for years. And so for a long time, people go, oh, you're the fitness chick. I'd be like, no. You know? Like, but that was not on them.
[00:27:47] Nikki Fogden-Moore: It was on me because I actually was so busy doing the work. I wasn't articulating setting the scene and giving people clarity. So when you look at conscious communication...
[00:27:58] Dustin Serviss: You mean your audience or your partner?
[00:28:01] Nikki Fogden-Moore: Well, no. My audience. You know? I mean, my partner... Poor... My poor partner. Can you imagine? It's like having tear in the house. I'm like, yes. And he's like, oh god. I'm gonna go fishing. So I'm like, I'm coming.
[00:28:12] Dustin Serviss: Oh, that is exactly what he want.
[00:28:14] Nikki Fogden-Moore: So, but, but I mean, that's a whole other discussion as well. So invariably, the CEOs and founders that I work with, the beautiful privilege I have is that with the people I work with, I'd work mostly then with their partners as well. And that's a real privilege because that is unearthing all these old programs. Because don't forget, if you're a founder, you generally go and search information, you better yourself, and you're consciously actively trying to get better at communicating. But your spouse is just doing their day to day stuff, and they maybe haven't had a business coach or a coach or any type of discussions.
[00:28:49] Nikki Fogden-Moore: So it's about collectively understanding that we're never gonna be... We got... We can't parent child our communication. You have to adult to adult. And I think that's so important that psychology one zero one, even with your kids, is we've gotta stop parenting. So what happens in relationships when you talk about the happiness equation is that it will variably switch parent child. Like, one of you will be up, the other one won't. It's the tone and the language. So I use four quadrants of communication. I think, I feel, I need, I want. So now, funnily enough, I had a coaching session yesterday with a couple
[00:29:26] Nikki Fogden-Moore: that almost matched your description, and she had... Came from a point where she wasn't earning as much. He was buying a jet ski. She needed a dental work done. He was like, oh, I've just found this jet ski. And she was like, like, you know, so she shut that down, and he was like, a kid. I said, stop sulking, and where's this coming from? So because that... I said, if you remove the fear... Because ultimately, you're a team, and ultimately, you've got to better have conscious conversations. So if you have a significant other and you need to grow together, you need to go back to the first thing I said in this conversation together
[00:30:04] Nikki Fogden-Moore: with you, Justin, is what does your great look like together? First of all, do it as an individual, and then do it as a couple, and do it unfiltered, almost like a Pinterest board of your life, but on paper. Have an unfiltered discussion, and then have a separate piece of paper for the blurts. Have a separate piece of paper for the year buts. Have a separate piece of paper for the fears, and articulate them because if you don't articulate your fears, your butts, your blurts, they will sit there doing push ups in the background, and they will come grab you at your vulnerable moment. But when we know what our fears are, like, mine is, funnily
[00:30:45] Nikki Fogden-Moore: enough, I... I'm not a salesperson. I've written a lot of books. I'm very passionate about my work, but you're asking me to write a sales copy for you or to talk about my book on the show, and I actually get a panic attack. I... I'm like, oh, it's selling. Yeah. You know? So that was just a story. So I have to really work on that and going, that's a blur. That's not the truth. People love hearing about what's in the pages and why I created this online program. So if you come from the right space... But I had to identify that that's a trigger of mine, you know, and that I shouldn't be afraid of that. And so when you...
[00:31:20] Nikki Fogden-Moore: I mean, you identified it doesn't have power over you. So what most people do is they take this information from your podcast, and they rush home. I call it the Tony Robbins effect. Oh my god. I just went to this conference. It's unleashed the power within. It's so amazing. You've gotta go. You've gotta get the book. It's great. We're gonna move to Canada. We're gonna live next to Dustin by the Lake. Can't wait. And everyone's like, what? And then a week later, that person's going, I'm so stressed out. Oh Oh my god. We don't have any money. You know? So they haven't applied the knowledge that I call it the tic tac.
[00:31:53] Nikki Fogden-Moore: You've taken the tic tac, but invariably the sugar goes at some point and you dip. So the reason why I only work with a few people one on one every year is because you have to be ready for change because I'm gonna hunt down all those microchips that are your excuses and go, hold on a second. This is not the reason. And then you go, wow. I didn't realize that we're constantly bringing all these inherent butts up to the surface and just clearing them. So that's your Tom Cruise moment at the Matrix. You guys saw that. I'll go, I don't want that anymore. But you have to acknowledge it, and you have to say to your partner,
[00:32:28] Nikki Fogden-Moore: I acknowledge that I'm a crazy giraffe that has all these ideas, but it doesn't mean they all have to happen. I would just like to freely express myself in a safe place, and that would give me the greatest love language that you would just hear me out. And then together, we'll find a way. So all of a sudden, you've bridged the gap between possibility and you've removed problem thinking.
[00:32:52] Dustin Serviss: I love it. One of the tools that that we do is, I say once a year, but actually it's probably more like once every two years is we'll print the last three, months of our visa statements, mine and my wife's. And it's a safe place to bring those transactions forward. And just say not to point fingers and say who's spending what it's more to say, where is the money going? And for each other to go, okay, well, yep. See, I told you, but then it's like, I'm gonna continue. That's a value of mine to spend there. And I know that makes you happy. So fitness for us is a big thing. We spend an over amount, the most part on that realm.
[00:33:28] Dustin Serviss: So that can happen. But then it also is another place to look and go, you know what? I'm gonna check-in with myself because those are goals. You know, that spending right there is goals from when I was twenty. You know, I'm in my forties now, and those can go away. I'm at peace with that not coming to fruition. I wanna close-up with one topic because you you mentioned health, wealth, wisdom. You've been a long out of the field of the health industry and fitness. Where are you going? What are you doing to keep yourself young, youthful, keep your mind right from a nutrition and active body standpoint?
[00:34:04] Nikki Fogden-Moore: I I just feel like it comes back to work life blend. Our body is so incredible. Now I launched a company called Life's a Gym twenty years ago, and I wrote my very first book, which was called Vitality, which was you can seamlessly have health and well-being and fitness in your life by using life as your gym. And, you know, we don't have... It's not a chore. So when you start to figure out, are you using exercise and movement as part of your day rather than a I have to, so I think the first thing is we have to replace I have to with I get to. I get to walk. I get to run. I get to bike with my kids, and movement is the elixir for ideas,
[00:34:44] Nikki Fogden-Moore: vitality, and vision. So when you move your body, you oxygenate your brain, and it increases your ability to deal with illnesses. It reduces deoxygenated cells, which create cancer and brain issues and everything else. It gets you off your phone. So I think we all know what to do. We know it. We know that eating healthy, the basic thing is anything fresh and close to its natural raw, source is better for you. Like, it's... They're all very practical things. So just the mindset industries like the diet and fitness industry, we're trying to give people quick fixes and apps and everything else. We...
[00:35:24] Nikki Fogden-Moore: And what we're really forgetting is that we have this incredible machine that will tell us what we need. And so fitness, like life, it needs to be three sixty. You've got flexibility, strength, cardio, you know, all those sorts of things. You've got to look at the trifecta of moving your body. And the older we get as well, you know, for me, looking back at a lot of my women's health and fitness things, so I have a few posters of all my magazine stuff. I'm like, oh my god. I was so fit then. You know? It's like, how did I not know that? And then... So now I've... Like, I signed up to the... You gotta give a challenge.
[00:36:01] Nikki Fogden-Moore: So I did a really cool adventure race, a celebrity adventure race, and I signed up for a triathlon. I haven't done triathlon for, like, ten years, and I don't know how I did it. I must have been drinking at the time, but suddenly I'm doing it. And then I think it's just utter respect. I think it's an utter privilege. There are so many people that don't have the privilege of a working functional body. And what we've become in society is we've become very removed and detached from our inner GPS, from respecting the body that we're in, and and it's a process of self love.
[00:36:33] Nikki Fogden-Moore: Because, generally, people move away from their health and well-being because their mindset is degenerating themselves. It is talking badly to yourself. It is comparison. And it is like, I'm not good enough. You're not good enough. So we eat our emotions away. We drink. You know, you've always gotta go for a beer or a wine or... It's actually really dangerous. Mhmm. So you've got to be able to go... I don't know if you've got the ultra marathon runner, Dean. He's been on my show. He's amazing. Okay. Awesome. Never sits for longer than, I think, ten minutes. He stands all day, and he runs his ultra marathon. He's very famous.
[00:37:08] Nikki Fogden-Moore: He's Guinness book of records has got an amazing story. So one time he just started running and he never stopped. So movement is by default the oxygenation of everything in our life. Now that means less motorized activities. Like, it has so many benefits to move and get on a push bike, not a motorized bike. I'm not even gonna start around solar powered and energy based cars because we all know that those batteries are are ending up at the bottom of the ocean. That's a whole different discussion. So we'll table that for later. But the reason I love to go fishing, I'm a real tomboy. We go out for for twelve to thirteen hours at a time.
[00:37:46] Nikki Fogden-Moore: I love going bush, is to really get back to basics with nature. So your health and fitness, your trifecta of being the ultimate CEO of your life, if you're listening to this, is that you will not get another body tomorrow. FedEx can give you some bolt ons and it can give you some Botox, but this is it. So you must respect the vessel that you've been given. And you have to stop comparing and using excuses of why your well-being is not your priority, and that's a personal choice. And unfortunately, we're in a world where we're giving a lot of room for people to opt out of that and go, it's too hard or it's not.
[00:38:29] Nikki Fogden-Moore: I don't really care what your reason is. At the end of the day, don't wait for a catastrophe to put your health as your wealth, and, invariably, as a society, we are. So all you can take control of is yourself. And then hopefully by leading by example with your staff, because ninety seven percent of staff stresses finances and health and fitness, their health and their finances. And so if you can have winning weeks, you know, do walk and talks, turn up as a healthy founder, limit the drinks evenings, maybe do other activities like fun runs and family sessions, and create a healthy environment that your work places the new community
[00:39:09] Nikki Fogden-Moore: for that, you'll lead by example. And then by doing that, you're kinda motivating yourself because you're doing it for others. So it's got quid pro quo.
[00:39:16] Dustin Serviss: I love it. Listener, is your health a priority is a great closing question. Nikki, where can people find you other than the link, that we talked about? Well, maybe give us all your contact and where people can find information about your tools.
[00:39:30] Nikki Fogden-Moore: Yeah. Fantastic. So you can come and join me, on nikki fogden moore dot com. That's more with an e dot com, and just sign up for Monday Mojo. There's so much free content there. Radical self belief, the online program is the book, the course. It's everything. So I tried to create a whole silo whether you love video, podcast, modules, worksheets. Sheets. I was like, there is no area I'm gonna leave unturned that you can learn. And you can use the code May Mojo fifty for fifty percent off that. That's on my website too, and I'll give the links to Dustin. But most importantly, I have... I'd...
[00:40:04] Nikki Fogden-Moore: You know, there's so much free stuff and inspiration. Instagram, YouTube, Facebook at n fogged and moore, LinkedIn at n fogged and moore. Whatever I can do to help your listeners and give them worksheets or just keep this conversation going. My only thing would be to to say that life has no remote. You must get up and change it yourself, and for you to be running successful businesses and be a client of Dustin, you've obviously got a drive and a tenacity to live a life on the road less traveled, so keep that conviction. And whatever it is, even if it's conversation with your spouse, if you can replace fear with curiosity, you will never ever
[00:40:41] Nikki Fogden-Moore: lose because you will remove problem thinking and you'll constantly come from possibilities, and that is a perfect state to be in in this rally of life. And that's why we're all here, you know. So suit up, show up, and just embrace it all, and we're both here to help you.
[00:40:56] Dustin Serviss: Nikki, thanks a lot for being on the show. I know I got a ton of nuggets and listener. I hope you did too. Nikki, thanks for being on the show today.
[00:41:02] Nikki Fogden-Moore: Thanks for having me, Dustin.
[00:41:05] Dustin Serviss: Thank you for tuning in to this episode. If you enjoyed the show, please like and rate the show, share with a friend, or use your new knowledge in your next conversation. If during the show something gave you a pang of inspiration, motivation or sense of uncertainty, act on it now. Get the clarity you're looking for. Find the permission you seek. Go to service wealth dot com to discover how others are learning how to take Fridays off or buying a recreation property or spending more money. If you're an organizer of an event where you believe my philosophy on finance lifestyle design would be applicable, go to servicewealth dot com and book me
[00:41:37] Dustin Serviss: as a speaker at your next event. If you want a copy of our new book coming out soon, send me a message on Instagram or Facebook and we will be sure to get you a first copy.